yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Still dying that you shit outside
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
