I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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