yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
