So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
