Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize