it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
