small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
