You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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