my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
