Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
