You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
