If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
