bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
