I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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