Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
