I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
