Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
