I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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