I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
