New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
