You just made me feel so damn special
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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