omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
