Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize