They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
