Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize