even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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