I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
