My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
