Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
