Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
