I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
