You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In America we eat man semen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
