Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
