Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
