i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
