So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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