yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
