he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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