your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
