Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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