We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
