Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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