We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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