You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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