another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
