God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
