i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
