I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize