I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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