and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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