You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
