I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
