SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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