I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize