he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
