We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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