Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
