What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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