I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
