So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
