4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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