i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
