i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
