So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
