If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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