you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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