My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
