Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
