just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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