He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
