I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
