In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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