you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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