That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
