Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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