gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
