some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
