my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
