dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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