Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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