Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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