We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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