Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
