I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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