bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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