Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
