I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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