she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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