**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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